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Friday, March 31, 2006

Don't Hate the Hate

Some things are unfortunately quite painful, quite harmful; those are not recommendable. But you are not to hate them either; hatred is not accepted. So you have to appreciate it as it is.

~ His Holiness the Twelfth Gyalwang Drukpa

James's comment: This is like a spiritual chiropractic adjustment. Often when I do something that hurts or is painful to me or others I then start on the "hate myself" guilt train not remembering that the self hate only makes the suffering worse.

Bows to His Holiness the Twelfth Gyalwang Drukpa deeply.

-Peace to all beings-

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Zen Unbound said...

I suppose, James. But most people let themselves off too easy and hating themselves is far down the list -- or OFF the list -- of things they have to worry about.

I would suppose that the 12th Gyalwang Drukpa ia mostly talking about those things and people we are apt to avoid or disagree with. Republicans for example. We shouldn't hate Republicans, I think would be in tune with what he's saying. We should appreciate them for what they are.

Of course what they are, exactly, is a matter of consideration. Many are clearly corrupt or greedheads or non-compassionate or sociopaths or power mad or lazy or incompetent. But not all of them are all of these things.

The Zero Boss said...

When it comes to actions we ourselves perform, there are two extremes: self-hate on the one hand, and lack of conscience on the other. Both reinforce the notion of an independent self. Better to apply the four powers of regret (WARNING: PDF file).

In my case, I've done some rather nasty things in the past year. Beyond applying the four opponent powers, I was also able to take a step back and look at the *good* that this hard journey did me. It brought me firmly back into my spiritual practice. It also raised many issues within both myself and my wife that were latent throughout the entire relationship, but that neither of us wanted to address. I think it's important to look at what we can learn from tragedies - especially those we brought upon ourselves.

"James" said...


You are quite right. I try my best not to hate Republicans. In fact, my parents are Republican and I don't hate them so that's a start. ;)I guess I just mostly get frustrated with them as it's often (not always) hard to have a decent debate with them without it turning in the politics of self-destruction.

I am, however, by no means innocent. I get hot headed too and I am working on that with my practice. I promise to keep on the path. ;) Thanks again for the reminder my friend.


I agree about the two extremes of self-hatred and lack of conscience. I keep going back to my cushion to find the balance. Sounds like you are too. Keep up the great work. I bow to the Buddha within you.

Dharmasattva said...

That quote and zen unbound's response reminds me of an exchange I had with my father-in-law last year. My father-in-law is a very negative person, generally speaking, always one to see the glass half empty, etc. In any case, we were discussing a news article about some conservative religious group doing such-and-such, and he said, "People who are religious are idiots. I hate them."

Well, I am generally pretty tolerant of my father-in-law's mannerisms, but this went too far. "Bob, does that mean you think my parents are idiots?" I asked. "They believe in God and go to synagogue." He looked at me with surprise. "Or Deb's folks," I said, referring to my brother-in-law's wife's parent, who are devout Greek Orthodox. "Are they idiots, too?" He started stammering and stuttering about how that's not what he meant, etc.

It is fine to disagree with people and what they do. But it is not right to spew hatred and negativity at the people themselves.

As for myself, as difficult as my father-in-law is to get along with, and as mean as he can be to other people, I try to channel my own feelings away from hate and dislike towards sympathy and understanding. Emphasis on "try." It is not always easy.


tinythinker said...

If I may make a humble offering, there is an also an element of transformation as well. In this case, transforming hate into tolerance, but it could also be extended: violence into peace, a crisis into an opportunity, enemies into teachers, pain and fear into compassion and wisdom.
The standard spiritual teaching on that topic.

I sometimes think of interconnectedness as a large complex circuit instead of the traditional net, but imagine things like greed and hate and ignorance being generated by our limited/karma bound selves as we blindly react to circumstanced from a myopic perspective and then transmitted along the circuit to others and they to us. So, obviously, the first thing to do is cut down or eliminate the generation of such poisons, but another is what happens when others attempt to transmit them to us.

Even prior to any Buddhist study I was aware of this phenomenon (aren't we all?) of transferring our anxiety and confusion to others (hence the saying "Misery loves company"). I tried to block it out, or to ignore it, or to bury it deep down and lock it in a vault. But it was still poison, and it could not be contained and would seep out as anxiety, depression, short-temperedness, or displaced aggression. Then one day I had an ephiphany that I could choose how I reacted, and that rather than try to store/block or even pass along such poison/negativity, I could choose to forgive myself and others and let it evaporate, to really let it go.

It wasn't until a couple years ago that I really looked much into Buddhism, and I have been practicing for just under a year and a half, but I obviously recognized many concepts in the teachings (non-attachment, for example). But don't mistake my overly long offering as any kind of piety or snobbery, as I fail WAAAAY more often than I succeed. And perhaps now would be a good time for me to renew the golden practice of silence... :o)

"James" said...


"People who are religious are idiots. I hate them."

Yeah, that's some pretty strong language. Even if he doesn't believe in a religion himself I'm sure he believes in SOMETHING and that is indeed a form of religion in away.

And that is great that you channel your feelings of hate and dislike toward sympathy and compassion. I am working on that too. And as you say it isn't always the easy think to do. I have made some good progress though from where I use to be before I took refuge in the 3 jewels. :)


I like that idea of the circuit and transformation is key as you see so that we don't shock others who are also connected into the circuit.

And I can relate to the concept of holding in all inside. That was my mantra before the Dharma. And while it still is to a certain extent. I have learned a lot in being able to let stuff go. To forgive others but I am still have a bit of a struggle in forgiving myself. That is a big obstacle for me and one I really working on this year. I am noticing some improvement even here and it feels good.

It's finding that middle path in all aspects of our interconnectivity with others so we no longer shock them in the circuit or pass our poison on to them.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and welcome to this blog. I hope to see and hear more from you here in the future fellow traveller.

I bow to the Buddha within you.

Zen Unbound said...


I didn't bring up the Republicans example having in mind any intent to poke you.

They are just sort of the newsworthy rather-obvious objects of derision these day. They were the quick example I could think of. And I had in mind my own instant ire when one pops up on the TV screen.

I do think that in 'not hating Republicans' -- or 'Republican politicians', anyway -- does not mean we should let them off the hook for their actions. [ie., I agree wholeheartedly with Dharmasattva's "It is fine to disagree with people and what they do. But it is not right to spew hatred and negativity at the people themselves."]

Of course, I fail in the non-spewing part quite often. I am a spewer; it's something I need to keep an eye or two on.

"James" said...


No, I understand. It just really made me look deep inside myself and realize how much I tend to "hate" the people rather then their actions. I need to better seperate the two.

This goes for radical Christians too. I tend to hate them rather then feel compassion for them and I need to work on those attitudes propensities.

dragonflyfilly said...


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